The Missed Connection

Hong Kong, 2014

I said, “You should try it.” when what I really meant was you should try me. I am everything that you avoid and you are to me.

“I am too old for this.”

“Please don’t hurt me.”

We were too misaligned that somehow, we align.

You know how when people run away from things or people and end up bumping into the same thing or person that they want to run away from?

I wanted to ask the question.

Even if I knew the answer.

 So, instead, I said, “Thank you.” When what I really meant was sorry. You are everything that I am scared of and I am, to you.

“I am too busy for this.”

“Do you want to have coffee?”

We were too preoccupied that somehow, we were focused.

You know how when people refuse to admit something and end up admitting more than they could ever imagine?

I wanted to hold your hand.

Even If I wasn’t sure if you’ll hold my hand back.

So, as a last resort, I said, “Sing for me.” When what I really meant was I have been singing because of and for you. This is everything that we hoped for, we are meant to be.

“Haha.”

“:P”

We were too vague that somehow, we were clear.

You know how when people keep saying that they aren’t ready and end up taking the greatest of responsibilities?

(Silence)

(Silence)

Finally – with finality.

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Photo Credit: FAcosta

The Halftime Show

“Let’s go.” I tugged at your arm 

(Or was that your heart?)

I walked aimlessly, 

aiming to hold your hand.

“This is going to be beautiful.”

I looked up when really, I was looking for you.

You stood there beside me and for a second, I found you.

For a second.

I got lost in the sight of the bursting light

and I lost you.

In a second,

It was the end of the halftime show.

To you,

I’m a second.

Never the first.

Never the last.

The F(l)ight

“I am a window seat kind of girl.”

“I prefer the aisle.”

Things should have worked out.

“I like it when the plane takes off.”

“I cannot wait for the plane to touchdown.”

Things could have worked out.

“I see that you complement me.”

“We’re different.”

I said it could work.

You said you were out.

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Photo Credit: Hija Del Sol

Why I Walk.

When people wonder why I refuse to fly

Or why sometimes I shy away from an offered ride,

I smile and say don’t worry, “Someday, I want to try.”

What they don’t know is my own secret lie,

I walk to a corner where I cry,

I leave a trail for people passing me by.

The secret is out, when I’m left on my own,

I retrace these tears,

to the corner where we tried,

at the border where we cried,

in the end of an offered ride,

at the exact moment when

WE thought we could

Fly.

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Photo: FA

Jilted

I stood there marveling at the sights, shamelessly bobbing my head and tapping my feet to the oh-so-familiar carols blaring from the speakers. Everything's awesome except that I was there all alone. I thought, "What is taking you so long?"

Lights on, then out. On, then out. And so it went, the show, to everyone's delight except mine. While my eyes were glued to the magnificent number in front of me, my mind was busy minding something else. "Where are you?", I mutely wondered.

At the crescendo, I tilted my head to the left, then to the right. For good measure, I looked behind my back. Fixing my gaze ahead, a dry smile graced my face. Underneath the canopy of light-strewn tree branches, I shook my head in disbelief and silently mumbled, "There you go again."

Then, darkness - it's all over, all is lost.

The Imagined Reality

Every second feels like a step is made
away from you (me).
So I look at you like a lover captured
in film –
in my mind (heart)
I want to remember
you (me)
always rushing to meet me (you)
halfway,
like the trees are showing you the way,
like every brick is a clue
to find me (you).
Until this picture fades,
…until a decision is made.

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Photo Credit: Hija Del Sol

The Reserved Space

Beside you, everything fades into oblivion.

The falling of leaves that reminds us that another season is about to end. The shuffling of people's feet as they hurriedly cross the street. The guileless laughter of children as they play with abandon. The coldness of the wind that embraces us and brings you another inch closer to me.

Beside you, I forget about the harshness of the truth that we are two puzzle pieces that will never ever fit.

That is why I chose to wait.

To wait here until this space has forgotten how we used to warm it with everything that you meant to me.

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Photo Credit: Annamitzie

The Golden Gate Confession

You said you left your heart in San Francisco. I left mine there, too-- with a fervent wish that our hearts will meet again and decide that they are meant to be together, 

One day. Someday.

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Photo Credit:  Annamitzie

The Fairytale

I was optimistic, too.
Back when fairytales were convincing,
and the idea of being saved was the happy ending.

Please leave and bring your white horse with you,
I will go places.
I’ll show you.

I’ll get my ‘dream come true’ without you.

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Photo by Hija Del Sol

The Missed

It wasn't just my imagination, it was ours.
Yours and mine are these daydreams,
Delusions and memories blurred into one
Portrait of the (be)loved, fading into
The intricacies of our creative non-fiction.
Open your eyes, or open mine.
Look at me, stare (at you) blankly.

I miss missing you. I miss missing you miss me.

All because I missed. All because we missed.

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Photo by Hija Del Sol